3P Random Reflections Blog
A few years ago I had an insight that the Three Principles
are NOT the “truth”.
I realized that the more I held onto even a slight feeling of judgment or righteousness... NEEDING to communicate that the Three Principles are true or right, and that some other practice or understanding is wrong or less (including how anyone else
chooses to share the Principles differently than me), then any subtle feeling of comparison or NEED is telling me that I'm heading in the wrong direction. I'm heading toward fear and away from the neutrality of true, unconditional love.
And that’s not a bad thing. It’s
just a very human thing. It’s me getting temporarily caught up in the belief in my made up, ridiculous, compelling, insecure thinking. And I still do it ALL the time. Truthfully, I’m in my head way more than I am out of it.
And so, when I'm in my head instead
of my heart, when I'm in a feeling state of justifying, defending, and reasoning, whether it’s about the Three Principles or anything else, I'm NOT sharing any "truth". I`m simply sharing my need to be right. I’m protecting my illusion of self.
And, when I'm back in a better
state of mind, and resting in the felt understanding of the spiritual nature of life that the Principles (and many other things) can ultimately point to, then I'm closer to sharing "truth”.
My understanding of the Principles then gets to be, FOR ME, a simple and lovely pointer for explaining the unexplainable…
for pointing to the illusory nature of personal thinking, and the truth that every single one of us is completely whole, and enough, and not broken, and a part of something much bigger.
The crazy thing about all of this, is that even while sharing the Principles in a temporary state of needing to be right, others can still somehow pull
truth out of it for themselves, since it doesn’t come from me. It comes through them.
And so ultimately, I’m not in charge of whether anyone gains this understanding for themselves or not. However, what I do gain from the practice of sharing it in every secure or insecure moment, is the endlessly fascinating path toward awareness
of being without need, and being within truth and love.
I often share stories from my experiences at the homeless shelter when I am touched, or inspired, or amused, or when I witness what appears to me as the miraculous. There's
so many moments available for seeing love in an environment that may appear to be completely bereft of it. But when we have the eyes to see it, it is everywhere. And often, I'm so lucky and so grateful in those moments when I do see it and feel it.
Today however, even though I still saw and felt moments of love within myself, and in the eyes, and smiles, and hugs, and laughter, and small kindnesses, and even the "I love yous" of others, my heart felt heavy. Today when
they shared their past and present stories of addiction, poverty, sickness, hunger, mental abuse, physical abuse, and even a few shocking stories of horrific torture, I got a bit lost in the feeling of the insanity of it all, and what seemed to be my crestfallen
hopelessness that the rest of the world would ever wake up to see what I see. If only... If only...
In times like this, I know enough now to always look "within"... to see that my feeling of hopelessness
is not telling me anything other than what experience is being created through me in this moment, and that I don't need to do anything about it, and even now I feel some level of profound gratitude for just being able to FEEL it... for being able to have the
full spectrum of experience of being human, but with full freedom, and without fear. How lucky and privileged am I to have even this small glimpse of understanding of the profound and miraculous nature and truth of life.
And I'm not really
sure what I wanted to share today other than to give a gentle nudge to whomever out there may be listening... to simply look "within" to get a glimpse of the truth of life, as well. And I can't tell you how to do that, it's a complete mystery, but I can tell
you with complete unwavering certainty, that you are completely whole, and never broken, and ALL that exists is "within" you... it starts and ends there. That's the only place we ever need to look. So however you can, keep somehow gently and softly and
quietly, looking there...
When I had the insight that we’re all living in an illusion and believing it’s real, it came more in the form of “OMG we’re all crazy and we don’t know it!”. It seemed incredibly hilarious to me to discover that we
were no more “sane” than anyone in a psychiatric institution... It’s just that for most of us who are on the outside, our own personal illusions (thought-created experiences of life) happen to be more socially and culturally acceptable. And
even more importantly, I realized that our personal craziness, had absolutely nothing to do with who and what we are at the core of our soul.
With each of our separate illusions of life, whenever we look out the window and see the
things that most of us would describe as the grass, or the sidewalk, or a tree, they aren't being seen or experienced by any of us in the same way. None of us ever ONLY sees a tree. Instead, in each changing moment, we are experiencing an incredibly complex
mix and flow of continually changing energy of thought, created from a lifetime of observation, memory, interpretation, meaning, significance, imaginings, feelings, and even brand-new–in-this-moment thought about the tree. And that’s assuming,
that in this moment, we even notice the tree at all!
And so the more I began to realize this, the more I got curious. How different is everyone’s illusion from mine? What craziness are they seeing in their own head? What tree are
Right now, I’m seeing an elm tree, which I wouldn’t have known was an elm tree if someone had told me, the tree with Dutch Elm disease, you know, the one that’s dying, the one that we’ve bandaged multiple
times with a super sticky goopy ring of tape to resist from disease, the one with the woodpecker holes in it, one hole of which has grown from the size of a golf ball to the size of a bowling ball, the tree that’s a bit hard to mow around with its irregular
root forms at the bottom, the bare winter tree that right now looks really interesting... dark and twisted and gnarled against the solid coloured sky, the one with the rugged and rough patterned bark, the one with the one huge branch that cracked and fell
on the sidewalk a few years ago without killing anyone, the tree with another big branch that’s likely gonna fall on my house someday, the one that the city doesn’t seemed to be too concerned about yet despite my two significant calls, and hey,
what’s the matter with city services anyway, I bet they pay attention when someone from Tuxedo Park calls about their tree! Well, you get the idea.
I know that when you look out my front window, you and I are neither seeing
nor experiencing the same tree, even though we would likely use the word tree to describe it.
And that’s just ONE simple small thing in this expansive universe… a single tree in my yard... something with physical mass that
we can all see and touch and smell and hear and even taste, although I wouldn’t really recommend that you do. Oh what the heck, go right ahead if you want to!
So how then can we possibly even begin to get common understanding
of all the infinite number of other things in life that aren’t solid and visible… things like fear, or belief, or feeling, or anger, or happiness, or right, or wrong, or good, or bad, or illusion, or crazy, or sane. We talk to each other all the
time, assuming we are having the same conversation, when clearly we aren’t and clearly we never can.
And how hilarious is it that we manage to function and cooperate and coexist in this universe as well as we do with all this
personally unique craziness? And oh, doesn’t this now give us the single reason for when, how, and why we don’t function and cooperate at all?
Once we start getting a better sense of this “illusion” of life, we
begin to get more freedom from our own craziness, more amused by its creativity, less invested in it personally, and much more curious and less judgmental about everyone else’s current bout of thought-created craziness.
So hey, what
crazy tree do you see?
And hey, while I’m at it, if you were a tree, what tree would you be?
When you don’t know who and what you are at the core of your soul…
When you haven’t had a glimpse of “the something deeper within”…
When you haven’t had a sense of being a part of something “much bigger than
When you haven’t realized that throughout every moment
of every up-and-down adventure of your life, there has been a constant “untouched-inner-familiar-you” that has been along with you for the entire crazy ride…
When you haven’t knowingly touched the space of the impersonal and the unconditional…
When you haven’t had any of an infinite number of possible big or little insights to give you a sense that you are something other than your past, or your
circumstances, or your personality, or your thoughts, or your human form, or your personal experience in any moment…
When you’ve inevitably had many of these insights into your true nature throughout your lifetime, but you’ve simply forgotten them, or innocently ignored them, or unknowingly written them off as something untrue, or attributed them to circumstances,
or somehow not realized their significance…
You will think you are separate…
You will think you are alone in this experience of life…
You will think you are navigating life as an individual…
You will think you are never enough…
“separateness” and belief in never being enough…
think you need to look outside of yourself for validation, or for acceptance, or for proof of your worthiness…
You will compare yourself with others…
You will think you need to be something “other” or “better” than what you are…
You will think you need to “succeed” in whatever way you’ve continually changed or added to your made up definition of success…
You will point to your broken self or the broken world as the “reason why”, whenever your made up expectations of life are unfulfilled…
You will think that your “bad feelings” and “bad thoughts” mean
something significant about you, or your circumstances, or others, or the world…
You will think that your “good feelings” or “good thoughts” are something you need to chase after or hang onto…
You will keep seeing things that need to be changed for you to feel better…
You will need to create thousands of coping mechanisms, and build thousands of walls, to protect yourself from your feelings…
You will continually react to your “limited personal reality”, not noticing the “infinite impersonal universe” everywhere
around you (and within you)…
You will ALWAYS “need” something…
If realized in some way that you actually were the universe…
If realized in some way that you actually were everything…
If realized in some way that you actually were everyone…
You could never be separate…
You could never be alone…
never “need” more…
You would always be enough…
It's a funny and crazy and miraculous thing, this human experience of life that we
have on this earth. And we can never know when or how any of us eventually discovers the truth of life…
What if you got even just a tiny glimpse of “something”, and it made you wonder…
After gaining insight into the “truth of life” (the illusion of all thought, and a sense of the miraculous
energy that manages it all), my husband and I have had, and continue to have, many interesting conversations about the forms that our systems of thought and feeling will take.
Here’s one such conversation that often comes to mind when either pointing to the illusory nature of thought, or to our personal experience being
created from within, or to the truth and significance of each person living in a completely separate reality.
One day I started talking about fears. I exclaimed, “Oh my God, my life has been full of all sorts of ridiculous made up fears!”
I continued to share that even though I’d never had any of the typical fears of public speaking, or heights, or spiders, I had had thousands of other little
nonsensical fears that had stopped me from taking action… things like not wanting to send back a bad meal at a restaurant, or not wanting to return an unwanted purchase from a store, or not wanting to make small chit chat in a room with a bunch of people
I didn’t know, or not wanting to be seen in my bathing suit, or not wanting to ask for help… I could have gone on with the list forever.
I explained how all of those fears had crippled me, even though I eventually did the ones I felt I really had to, and on occasion, somehow chose to do a few others.
They crippled me in the incredible amount of significance and meaning and thinking that I devoted to them every
time I had those thoughts and feelings, and every time I avoided doing whatever I thought I should be doing.
If fact, those fears accounted for ALL of my lifetime of suffering, and all of my 23+ years of self-help… trying to figure out why I had those fears. What was the matter with me? What was blocking me from taking action
with what should have been so “simple” to do? Other people had no problem doing these things… what was causing my fears and stopping me?
And then it occurred to me to ask my husband, “What fears do you have?”
His reply was, “I don’t have any fears.”
To be honest, I’d heard him say this several times before in our years together, but I just never believed him. I thought he was in denial, and just left it at that.
But this time I was completely stunned. His answer came into my awareness in a “Lost-In-Space-Robot-Will-Robinson-This-Does-Not-Compute”
kind of way.
My first thought again was that he must be in denial. How could
he possibly NOT have any fears? Everyone has fears! In fact, my insight into the truth of life and the nature of thought had showed me that every single human being on the planet was subject to all sorts of insecure/fearful thought, so what was he talking
So then I asked him, “Well, what about the fact that you don’t
like sending back bad meals, or returning items to the store, or making small chit chat in a room full of strangers? Aren’t those fears?”
He said, “No, they’re just stuff I don’t want to do.”
And despite my initial stunned head-shake of disbelief, I realized he wasn’t in denial. I could see he was telling the truth.
I could see that in the world in his head, he had just NEVER created the idea that any of his “I-don’t-want-to-do-it” type
of thoughts/feelings, should be labelled as a fear. And because he hadn’t given them any significance, they didn’t represent to him anything that was wrong about him, or anything that needed to be overcome.
In my husband’s head, he had created the following simple equation…
I-don’t-want-to-do-it-now = I-don’t-want-to-do-it-now
In complete contrast,
I had unknowingly, in my own head, created the following incredibly complicated equation for many of the brief uncomfortable thoughts/feelings that would pop into my mind throughout each day…
I-don’t-want-to-do-it-now = I won't want to do it ever = fear = bad
= something wrong with me = something that needs to be figured out and overcome = even more bad about me in each and every moment that I don’t figure
it out or overcome it
Holy Crap! Mind Blown!
Nowadays, I still get many “I-don’t-want-to-do-it” forms of thoughts/feelings throughout
my day. Fortunately, I often catch the unhelpful label of “fear” I am giving them, and also get pointed once again back to my initial insight into the truth of life, which included, “I’ll be perfectly fine, no matter what happens, no
matter what I do or don’t do, even if I die.”
And so now, I
have a much more helpful sense of how I label things... what is fear and what isn’t.
And, I’m very much looking forward to continuing to discover what is likely to be an infinite pool of completely ridiculous “thought-rules” and labels that I have somehow unknowingly made up in my head, and am simply not yet aware
of… what I lovingly and affectionately refer to as my personal craziness.
What is yours?