3P Random Reflections Blog

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When you don’t know who and what you are at the core of your soul…

 

 

When you haven’t had a glimpse of “the something deeper within”…

 

 

When you haven’t had a sense of being a part of something “much bigger than you”…

 

 

When you haven’t realized that throughout every moment of every up-and-down adventure of your life, there has been a constant “untouched-inner-familiar-you” that has been along with you for the entire crazy ride…

 

 

When you haven’t knowingly touched the space of the impersonal and the unconditional…

 

 

When you haven’t had any of an infinite number of possible big or little insights to give you a sense that you are something other than your past, or your circumstances, or your personality, or your thoughts, or your human form, or your personal experience in any moment…

 

 

OR…

 

 

When you’ve inevitably had many of these insights into your true nature throughout your lifetime, but you’ve simply forgotten them, or innocently ignored them, or unknowingly written them off as something untrue, or attributed them to circumstances, or somehow not realized their significance…

 

 

THEN…

 

 

You will think you are separate…

 

 

You will think you are alone in this experience of life…

 

 

You will think you are navigating life as an individual…

 

 

You will think you are never enough…

 

 

AND…

 

 

In that “separateness” and belief in never being enough…

 

 

You will think you need to look outside of yourself for validation, or for acceptance, or for proof of your worthiness…

 

 

You will compare yourself with others…

 

 

You will think you need to be something “other” or “better” than what you are…

 

 

You will think you need to “succeed” in whatever way you’ve continually changed or added to your made up definition of success…

 

 

You will point to your broken self or the broken world as the “reason why”, whenever your made up expectations of life are unfulfilled…

 

 

You will think that your “bad feelings” and “bad thoughts” mean something significant about you, or your circumstances, or others, or the world…

 

 

You will think that your “good feelings” or “good thoughts” are something you need to chase after or hang onto…

 

 

You will keep seeing things that need to be changed for you to feel better…

 

 

You will need to create thousands of coping mechanisms, and build thousands of walls, to protect yourself from your feelings…

 

 

You will continually react to your “limited personal reality”, not noticing the “infinite impersonal universe” everywhere around you (and within you)…

 

 

You will ALWAYS “need” something…

 

 

BUT…

 

 

If realized in some way that you actually were the universe…

 

 

If realized in some way that you actually were everything…

 

 

If realized in some way that you actually were everyone…

 

 

You could never be separate…

 

 

You could never be alone…

 

 

You would never “need” more…

 

 

You would always be enough…

 

 

It's a funny and crazy and miraculous thing, this human experience of life that we have on this earth. And we can never know when or how any of us eventually discovers the truth of life…

 

 

BUT…

 

 

What if you got even just a tiny glimpse of “something”, and it made you wonder…

After gaining insight into the “truth of life” (the illusion of all thought, and a sense of the miraculous energy that manages it all), my husband and I have had, and continue to have, many interesting conversations about the forms that our systems of thought and feeling will take.

 

 

Here’s one such conversation that often comes to mind when either pointing to the illusory nature of thought, or to our personal experience being created from within, or to the truth and significance of each person living in a completely separate reality.

 

 

One day I started talking about fears. I exclaimed, “Oh my God, my life has been full of all sorts of ridiculous made up fears!”

 

 

I continued to share that even though I’d never had any of the typical fears of public speaking, or heights, or spiders, I had had thousands of other little nonsensical fears that had stopped me from taking action… things like not wanting to send back a bad meal at a restaurant, or not wanting to return an unwanted purchase from a store, or not wanting to make small chit chat in a room with a bunch of people I didn’t know, or not wanting to be seen in my bathing suit, or not wanting to ask for help… I could have gone on with the list forever.

 

 

I explained how all of those fears had crippled me, even though I eventually did the ones I felt I really had to, and on occasion, somehow chose to do a few others.

 

 

They crippled me in the incredible amount of significance and meaning and thinking that I devoted to them every time I had those thoughts and feelings, and every time I avoided doing whatever I thought I should be doing.

 

 

If fact, those fears accounted for ALL of my lifetime of suffering, and all of my 23+ years of self-help… trying to figure out why I had those fears. What was the matter with me? What was blocking me from taking action with what should have been so “simple” to do? Other people had no problem doing these things… what was causing my fears and stopping me?

 

 

And then it occurred to me to ask my husband, “What fears do you have?”

 

 

His reply was, “I don’t have any fears.”

 

 

To be honest, I’d heard him say this several times before in our years together, but I just never believed him. I thought he was in denial, and just left it at that.

 

 

But this time I was completely stunned. His answer came into my awareness in a “Lost-In-Space-Robot-Will-Robinson-This-Does-Not-Compute” kind of way.

 

 

My first thought again was that he must be in denial. How could he possibly NOT have any fears? Everyone has fears! In fact, my insight into the truth of life and the nature of thought had showed me that every single human being on the planet was subject to all sorts of insecure/fearful thought, so what was he talking about?

 

 

So then I asked him, “Well, what about the fact that you don’t like sending back bad meals, or returning items to the store, or making small chit chat in a room full of strangers? Aren’t those fears?”

 

 

He said, “No, they’re just stuff I don’t want to do.”

 

 

And despite my initial stunned head-shake of disbelief, I realized he wasn’t in denial. I could see he was telling the truth.

 

 

I could see that in the world in his head, he had just NEVER created the idea that any of his “I-don’t-want-to-do-it” type of thoughts/feelings, should be labelled as a fear. And because he hadn’t given them any significance, they didn’t represent to him anything that was wrong about him, or anything that needed to be overcome.

 

 

In my husband’s head, he had created the following simple equation…

 

 

I-don’t-want-to-do-it-now    =    I-don’t-want-to-do-it-now

 

 

In complete contrast, I had unknowingly, in my own head, created the following incredibly complicated equation for many of the brief uncomfortable thoughts/feelings that would pop into my mind throughout each day…

 

 

I-don’t-want-to-do-it-now   =   I won't want to do it ever   =   fear   =    bad    =    something wrong with me    =     something that needs to be figured out and overcome   =   even more bad about me in each and every moment that I don’t figure it out or overcome it

 

 

Holy Crap! Mind Blown!

 

 

Nowadays, I still get many “I-don’t-want-to-do-it” forms of thoughts/feelings throughout my day. Fortunately, I often catch the unhelpful label of “fear” I am giving them, and also get pointed once again back to my initial insight into the truth of life, which included, “I’ll be perfectly fine, no matter what happens, no matter what I do or don’t do, even if I die.”

 

 

And so now, I have a much more helpful sense of how I label things... what is fear and what isn’t.

 

 

And, I’m very much looking forward to continuing to discover what is likely to be an infinite pool of completely ridiculous “thought-rules” and labels that I have somehow unknowingly made up in my head, and am simply not yet aware of… what I lovingly and affectionately refer to as my personal craziness.

 

 

What is yours?

When I had my insight after hearing an explanation of the Principles, it came in the form of "Holy crap, every single thought I've ever had in my life has been completely made up"... I realized I was living in an illusion of made up thought... all those stories that had appeared in my head about myself and other people and the world, were not the truth.

 

I realized that the deeper truth of life was that I was a spiritual being, being given the gift of a roller-coaster-ride human experience. I also realized things like "I'm not broken", "my happiness comes from within", "everything is exactly as it should be", and "I'll be perfectly fine no matter what happens even if I die".

 

And I can't explain how or why I know these things to be true... they just are.

 

In a way, I realized that the perfection of my formless soul could not be affected by anything, and so came the "freedom" of this understanding... If I never go on another vacation again, I'll be perfectly fine. If my husband were to die, and I were to be alone for the rest of my life, I would be perfectly fine. There isn't one single circumstance that can touch or affect who and what I am at the core of my soul.

 

So now, I get to play... for me there are no more "shoulds", no more "have tos", no more of my previous lifelong and relentless habit of beating myself up over never being enough. I can pay attention to and believe any of the craziness that appears in my head, or not. None of it matters.

 

Now, despite knowing this, there is also the truth that I have absolutely no control over my thoughts. And for whatever reason, my cheeky little soul still loves to serve up all sorts of incredibly believable ridiculousness (insecure thinking) about what I should be doing, or that I'm not enough, or blah, blah, blah.

 

BUT... now I know what's going on behind the curtain, and so I am a lot less affected by what appears on the stage. I kind of get to just watch it all, and be incredibly amused and amazed... and I get to cry, and smile, and freak out, and jump for joy, and get irritated, and feel grateful, and be judgmental, and be compassionate and loving.

 

All of it is just my experience, and not at all who I am.

Quite often I make a smoothie for breakfast using my handy little Magic Bullet mixer, an electric appliance that happens to be almost as sacred to me as my 35 year old set of Ginsu steak knives. Sacred, because it amuses me that I actually purchased and regularly use and appreciate a few items that were once endlessly flogged on TV in the cheesiest of "Satan's-Handbook-of-Marketing-and-1-800-Number-to-Salvation" ways.

 

Lately however, perhaps as a sign of my aging, I've noticed that the loud whirring of my little magic machine has been bothering my ears. And so in my own uniquely amusing and common-sense-for-me way, I've been putting on my headphones to make my breakfast. (And as an additional confession, "Dear God please forgive me for putting a little bit of Kleenex in each ear part way through the incredible Roger Waters concert last weekend".)

 

Who knew that headphones were going to end up being an integral component of my culinary future? Certainly not me, but in a way, because it seems and looks ridiculous, it makes complete sense to me. In fact for me, it's just perfect.

 

At this point, I would say, "Well, I digress", but I haven't even gotten to the point yet of what I wanted to talk about, so I'm not sure if I can really digress from it. Anyway...

 

After I started the magic machine this morning, and immediately noticed again the loud sound and desire for my headphone protection, I stopped the machine so I could retrieve the headphones from another room. When I put the headphones on, I noticed the immediate change in my experience of sound, from clearer and sharper to more muffled, and somehow more "reverberish".

 

I could still hear, as well as feel my hearing, but my experience of all of it was completely different. Even though some environment sounds were blocked or reduced, some of the sounds from my own body were changed or heightened... including the awareness of the pound of my feet on the floor, which seemed to go straight to my ears. Because of this, I got reflective about how challenging it is to come up with the right words to clearly and articulately explain what I normally hear, versus what I hear with headphones on.

 

It then got me thinking about the metaphor between how we experience sound and how we experience life. Hang on with me here for a minute longer and I'll explain.

 

If I had actually been born with a "headphones-ON" type of hearing in my head, I wouldn't know that it was in any way different from anyone else who was "headphones-OFF".

 

I would "hear" most of what everyone else heard, but would have no initial awareness of if/how the experience was different, until of course, I suddenly got a clue from something like a "headphones-off" type of experience. I would innocently and unknowingly go around assuming everyone was hearing what I was hearing in the exact same way.

 

I wouldn't have any idea that there existed any difference to be heard (even for my own hearing) until it happened. I imagine I could have people telling me they could hear voices that I couldn't, for which of course, I would immediately point out to them they were crazy for hearing voices in their head. 😊 And they would in turn, immediately point out to me that I was crazy for NOT hearing voices. And the irony and humour of that would of course, amuse me.

 

I think I digress again. Sorry about that. Anyway...

 

The thing is, "headphones-ON" ---IS--- everyone's experience. We are all walking through life with our own completely unique set of headphones (hearing), glasses (seeing), dust mask (smelling), parkas-mitts-Sorels (feeling)... and so on. The "parkas-mitts-Sorels" is a northern Canadian thing, but I'm guessing you still get the point I'm trying to make.

 

And more significantly than our 5 senses, the continually changing THINKING that appears in each of our heads, goes through a billion-and-one different filters of knowledge, experience, awareness, memory, belief, imagination, and universal magic before forming into something that feels like the single "truth" or "reality" we are hearing, seeing, smelling, feeling, tasting, and thinking in each moment.

 

AND... We have no idea what anyone else is thinking/experiencing, other than our own incredibly limited and insufficient interpretation of their always incredibly limited and insufficient words for explaining it.

 

We're innocently and unknowingly ONLY ever experiencing the completely unique thinking in our own head. We're all "headphones-ON", not realizing that everyone has on a completely different brand of headphones, and often having absolutely no awareness or comprehension of the experience of "headphones-OFF", until it somehow happens... a moment of awareness of the truth of reality without all the billions of personal filters.

 

For the most part, since I'm human, and since my ears hurt when I'm making my morning smoothies, it just makes sense for me to keep putting my headphones on. But how grateful I am to have some awareness of the filter-free experience and freedom of "headphones-OFF", and some awareness of how much more there is to hear that I don't hear yet.

 

What type of headphones are you wearing, and what might you not be hearing yet?

 

 

 

 

 

 

At the 3P hangout at the homeless shelter this week, one of the people who stopped in had visited a couple of times before. During one of his visits, I gave him a copy of the Missing Link. He let me know that he had now read the book 3 times, and then he began to share a variety of stories of what he had realized about...

 

  • His insights from prison
  • His family being surprised by what he was reading and how he was changing
  • His answer to his family's question about what was going on with him, for which he replied, "I'm learning about life"
  • His mother being confused by what he was talking about, but then gaining some of her own understanding as he shared his own metaphors
  • The subtlety of his understanding between accepting (not resisting) what comes and the power of thought (awareness of his role in exploring the good and letting go of the bad)
  • The infinite creative power of thought and how real is everything it creates
  • His appreciation for "this Syd guy" and the truth of his words
  • Seeing the miraculous in the simple things in life... going for a walk, enjoying nature
  • And his own recent mini-miracle...

 

Recently, he caught a bad cold that he wasn't recovering from. Over several weeks of trying to get better, he tried all sorts of remedies including a native sweat lodge. Nothing was working and he was getting really frustrated. One night at bedtime, a thought appeared in his mind... a memory from his wise native grandfather saying to "accept whatever life gives you".

 

So with arms outstretched and eyes looking out he said, "OK God, bring it on". In the morning, he woke up completely better.

 

One of the guys staying with him at the shelter asked him what had happened, "Hey, I thought you were really sick, what happened?" He told his story of acceptance, and the guy said, "So if I just accept, my life will change." He replied, "No, you have to believe it".

 

I sat there in amazement. His understanding of the truth of life was so simple and so clear. He knew the difference between an idea and an insight. He had realized the missing link.

 

He couldn't stay at the hangout very long, but hopefully he'll return one day... it was a beautiful thing to witness.

Latest comments

01.12 | 17:21

Thank you Andie!

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30.11 | 23:33

You are just Fab Jonelle! I hope you’re writing a book of all of your blog posts!!! They are extremely insightful, down-to-earth, soul touching.
It is heartwarming to read words that can describe my own experience.

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02.11 | 11:04

I'll send you an email when I get back to my home office this afternoon.

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02.11 | 10:36

My sister Jerry Lee Allen gave me your web page and am wondering if you have a practise in Winnipeg.

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