3P Random Reflections Blog

What the Heck Do I Think I'm Doing?

When I'm in my occasional low mood thinking about my delivery of the 2-hour Innate Wellbeing workshops at the homeless shelter, I can easily get discouraged.


Having been witness to the magical work of the world's most highly skilled practitioners in this field, watching them spend days or weeks or even months gracefully teasing insights out of their attentive and adoring learners, I reflect on the seeming futility of my chosen task. And so my creative capacity for insecure thinking happily throws me onto the sinking ship of HMS Hopeless Comparison. Smile


So what the heck do I think I'm doing?


After all, I'm not just training the process to handle a customer objection, or the subtleties of using a high gain question. I'm asking my participants to see past the complete illusion of their entire lifetime of thinking, into the limitless well of love, resilience, wisdom, and wellbeing that has always existed within, despite their very real experience of a lifetime of suffering.


So what the heck do I think I'm doing?


After all, I'm trying to make the invisible visible, not just for those who are denied the very basics of human existence (food, clothing, and shelter), but for those who are likely also suffering with some level of chronic psychological condition?


So what the heck do I think I'm doing?


After all, I'm not yet feeling even close to the easy-going delivery that comes from a confidence in the work and the results. And the fog has not yet cleared for finding my way to that "quiet space of certain connection". I know what that space feels like within the surreal realm of complete unconditional love, but how that translates to a more practical accessible state of grace from which to work, has yet eluded me.


So what the heck do I think I am doing?


I really, honestly, don't know.


At the moment, despite this occasional wave of insecurity, this choice to work at the shelter just seems to be the most sensible and easy thing for me to do. Part of the ease could be from the mysterious "path of least resistance" that started with the circumstances of my initial awakening into our common humanity. Part of it could be the lack of risk in achieving the impossible, and therefore the safety of a justifiable failure. And yet truthfully and knowingly, all of it is just whatever happens to pop up in the flotsam and jetsam of my continually changing flow of thought.


I'm not particularly fond of the sinking ship, or the fog, or the waves, or some of the flotsam and jetsam, but I do always see them (whether good or bad) for the illusions they are, even when I don't. Cool 


Let's hope for clearer sailing ahead.

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Sher | Reply 28.04.2015 02:32

Modello took how many years to become a viable community with how many people working it? Just sayin' Rome wasn't built in a day, or in 3 - 2 hour sessions. :)

Jonelle 28.04.2015 02:38

OK, OK, I'll quit my whinin' ... Just don't want to post only when things are all sunshine and roses. Good to share a little of the craziness.

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05.09 | 16:09

Lovely to hear from you Sharon! And thank you for the question. This website has limited space for comments, so I hopefully it's OK to send you an email. 😊

05.09 | 05:52

Hi Jonelle, just started reading this site-thank you so much. I have a question I hope you can answer for me: are emotions & feelings the same thing?

07.08 | 12:02

How beautiful. Your friend is so lucky to have you. ❤️

07.08 | 12:00

Thank you Andie! Would be lovely to catch up! ❤️

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